My mother and I never had a great relationship. She is an alcoholic and a drug addict, and I wish I say she is a recovering alcoholic and a recovering drug addict, but she’s not. I suspect she is on another bender. I haven’t heard from her since February. I changed my phone number when I renewed my cell contract in April so I don’t know if I will ever hear from her again.
I am a Daddy’s girl, in the strictest sense of the phrase. My father is my confidante, and my first love. We are so close that he was in the delivery room when I had my daughter. Luckily, he and my husband get along famously so there wasn’t any weirdness about it.
My mother always had an issue with my relationship with my father. She was prom queen, cheerleader, the pictures of her as a teenager would make you weep, she was so beautiful. She was also incredibly insecure. When she met my father he was dating her best friend. Three months later she ran off to Mexico with him to get married, 2 days after her 17th birthday.
She was jealous of how close my father and I were. I’ve read articles about the nature of mother/daughter relationships, the competition between wife and daughter. I didn’t know it was a competition between us. If I had I would have gladly stepped out of the way to make her happy. I was so desperate for her love and her approval, two things I never got from her.
My husband adores our daughter. He loves spending time with her. He loves teaching her. He loves being around her.
And I love that about him.
I love standing in the kitchen making dinner and listening to the two of them laugh and play. I love watching them with their heads together as he reads her a story or points out a squirrel scurrying through the backyard.
I WILL have a better relationship with my daughter than I had with my mother. I AM NOT in competition with my daughter for her father’s affections.
She will have the mother and father that she needs.