Coming Around

Fetus at 38 weeks after fertilization 3D Pregn...

Fetus at 38 weeks after fertilization 3D Pregnancy (Image from gestational age of 40 weeks). Retrieved 2007-08-28. A rotatable 3D version of this photo is available here, and a sketch is available here. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There have been times over the past few months where I’ve said “No more babies – ever. I’m done.”  And I meant it.

I loved being pregnant (despite the GD and borderline high blood pressure) and childbirth was fairly easy (thank God for epidurals).  My daughter is amazing and I love her more than anything.

But the thing is?  Babies are HARD!  They are demanding, and they have weird sleep patterns (if they sleep at all), and you sort of lose your whole life when you have one.  Why on Earth would I want to have another?

Lately I have started looking at my daughter in a new way.  She’s not just smart and funny and sweet and cute, she’s also helpful and giving and loving.  I look at the curve of her cheek as she sleeps, the way her eyes light up when she laughs, the way she studies her baby dolls and I think – wow, she would make a terrific big sister.

I can see her sitting on the couch, cradling a newborn in her lap (with parental help, of course).  I can see her with a sibling.

So I think I might be ready again.  It’s a scary proposition, as we don’t have insurance right now.  My husband got laid off last month and the new job he found doesn’t offer benefits.  We’ve applied to get Miss P on the state health plan.  In the meantime my husband has interviewed for another job that does offer benefits (not to mention a much higher salary) and we are optimistic that he will get it.

I’m also not getting any younger.  I turn 42 next spring.  I never thought I’d be having babies this late in my life.  My husband also mentioned the other day that he’s not getting any younger (he turns 55 next January) and would like to have another baby sooner rather than later.

Depending on the insurance situation, I think I’ll be ready to start trying again in the fall.  I’d like to lose some weight first, and I’m hoping to time the pregnancy (insert God’s laughter here) so that the baby is born in late summer/early fall, like Miss P.  She’d be 2 by then and I think that’s the perfect interval between siblings.

I’m both scared and excited just thinking about it.

 

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