I’m a competitive person by nature (and there is someone I know who just read that statement and is laughing because “competitive” doesn’t even begin to describe it). One thing I wrote was about how I didn’t want to get involved in the competitiveness between moms. I can’t stand that crap.
It’s really hard to abstain, though, isn’t it?
I started participating in an online pregnancy and baby forum during my first pregnancy, and continued to do so when I got pregnant with Miss P. Most of the women in the group are, of course, in their 20s and 30s, but I still liked to read about their man troubles, pregnancy troubles, health problems, and yes, even their sexual problems. By comparison my pregnancy was a breeze!
Now that all of the women in the August 2012 group have had their babies the posts have changed. Sure, they still have man problems, weight problems and health problems, as well as assorted baby troubles. But then you start getting the…other… kind of posts:
Is your baby teething yet? I think mine is teething already!
My baby rolled over today! He’s only 5 weeks!
She slept through the night last night!
Reading about what other women’s babies are doing that my baby isn’t doing is tough! Should she be rolling over already? When I read about “normal” development I’m told that, no, she’s fine, rolling over happens later. Teething? Well, she’s drooling a lot and is starting to act like she’s teething, but maybe not? I don’t know.
It’s so hard! I’m convinced my child is the most beautiful and most brilliant, but dangit! Someone else’s kid rolled over at 7 weeks, and here she is 11 weeks and still working on it. It makes me want to push her, and she doesn’t need to be pushed. She needs to learn how to do these things on her timetable, not the internet’s. Or mine.
Time to take a deep breath, mama.
Baby socks. Seriously, where is a staple gun when you need one?
In lieu of socks perhaps every outfit should come with footed pants.
A couple of years ago I was walking through the produce section of the grocery store and found a little pink sock with lace edging laying on the floor. I had seen a family with a little girl in the front of the cart come in just before me, so I went looking for them. Sure enough, little miss only had one sock on.Now I’m that momma, the one with the one-socked kid. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a baby under the age of 9 months that was wearing two socks at the same time.
Maybe baby garters are the answer?
A few days ago when I rolled out of bed at 5 am I didn’t have to feed the baby. Her daddy did it.
I took a nice long, hot shower. I went into the upstairs bathroom and spent some time on my hair. I put on makeup. I got dressed up, including stockings and heels. Then I drove 2 hours to New Orleans for a job interview.
As it turns out, it’s more of a sales position than what was originally advertised. They are looking to bring on people at 100% commission starting from zero. No existing business, just a list of prospects to cold call.
Because I’d be spending a great deal of time on the phone in the beginning, I’d have to put Miss P in day care (or hire a nanny). That’s out of pocket expense that would be ongoing until I got my client base running. That’s not something we can afford.
I went in expecting a job offer with a salary and perhaps a small commission. What I got was a conversation about a new business model for a struggling company. It’s just innovative enough to work for them. Unfortunately, it’s not going to work for me.
It was nice to get up an spend some time on myself, then go talk with other adults about something I am quite knowledgeable about. It was an interesting change from my usual day to day.
Perhaps another opportunity will come along. In the meantime I will continue freelance writing and caring for my daughter.
For most of my adult life I’ve wanted to be a mom. I watched my friends become mothers, my cousins become mothers, my other young female relatives become mothers, and then my younger brother’s wife became a mother. All of this before I even found the man I was going to marry.
Then came years of infertility. I’ve peed on mores sticks than I can, well, shake a stick at. I also endured a lot of invasive testing. Then finally I gave up. It was not to be.
Except one day at the ripe old age of 38 I consulted my calendar and my period was 8 days late. So I peed on another stick.
Did I dance with glee?
I freaked out, cried, called my best friend (my husband was in a closed door meeting and couldn’t be reached). When I finally did tell my husband, it was through tears of terror and disbelief. I wasn’t sure I could become a mother that late in life. I had been not-a-mother for a long time and I’d given up on that dream long ago. But suddenly I was pregnant, and over the next several weeks I got used to the idea.
Then we lost her.
By then, I knew I wanted it again. The dream of motherhood was back, so we got back on the horse, so to speak, and tried again. It only took 5 months to conceive.
This time when I peed on the stick I had convinced myself it would be negative because I so badly wanted it to be positive. It was positive.
Did I dance with glee?
I smiled a small smile and called my husband, who was out at his pool league. “Are you ok?” he asked. “Yes, I think so,” I answered, but I didn’t know, because this terror wasn’t the blind panic from before, it was a different flavor on my tongue.
I was going to be 40 when this baby was born. For the entire 22 years of my adult life I had been mostly selfish. I spent my money and my time how I wanted. I rarely had to answer to anyone, and I mostly only had myself to care for. I liked it that way.
This baby was going to change everything. And I wasn’t ready for that.
Despite the fact that you’ll feel like you are going to be pregnant forever, it’s a good thing that human gestation takes as long as it does. The time between the second line appearing on the test stick and the baby being placed in your arms is just long enough.
You see, the thing they don’t tell you is that YES, having this baby will change everything, but you will change, too. The life you lived before? You will barely remember it, and you probably won’t miss it at all.
At 5 am my daughter wakes up for a feeding. She lays there and grunts and squeaks as she works her way out of the swaddle. When I finally stumble out of bed to stand at the end of the bassinet, I am rewarded with a million-watt toothless smile that makes it all worth it.
When we moved to Baton Rouge for my husband’s job I gave up my job working in an industry in which I had over 20 years experience. I had a couple of bad work environment experiences at my last two jobs so I was nearing burn out, unhappy with how things were going in my career.
I expected to be bored but my interesting pregnancy (read: hypertension, gestational diabetes, extreme exhaustion) made staying at home a wonderful prospect. My husband was earning enough to keep up the bills with some extra, and I anticipated doing some freelance writing on the side to earn some extra cash.
In May I sent an online application to a company that was in my (former) industry for a work from home position. I felt I was more than qualified for the position and I loved the idea of being able to work from home. This was before I had the baby, and before I knew what it meant to be the mom of an infant.
I never heard back from them, so I just chalked it up to them being overrun with qualified applicants. No harm, no foul. At least I tried. Secretly, I was a little surprised they didn’t contact me.
I received an email from them yesterday advising me that they are interested in interviewing me for the position I applied for back in May. The interview is next week in New Orleans, should I decide to call HR and set up an appointment.
I’m ambivalent about the opportunity. The income and the opportunity to work with adults is exciting, but I am really enjoying staying home with my daughter. I suppose if the income was enough I could have someone come into our home to take care of her while I was working. I’m not sure I could send her to daycare.
I discussed it with my husband and he agrees I should at least set up an interview and see what they have to say. He’s going to stay home with Miss P while I go to the interview.
What would you do?